i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
