Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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