Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize