i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
