just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
