Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
