Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
