i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
