so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
