Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
