im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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