Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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