Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
