Only a mothe r could love this liver
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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