I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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