Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
