You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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