just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
