Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
