my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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