i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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