babies were throwing up all over the place
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
