Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
