That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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