Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
