Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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