Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
