Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
