So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
