when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
