dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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