Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
