"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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