Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
do nipples grow back?
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