You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
