Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
