i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
