My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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