I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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