Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
