btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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