i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
