I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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