All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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