I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
