a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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