are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
