mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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