the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
