I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
