We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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