He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
