this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
40s are totally the cure
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
