Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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