i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to calm my uterus...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
