Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
