I can tuck mytits in my pants
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
