I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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