haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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