Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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