Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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