I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
