Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
