and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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