I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
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I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.