I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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