During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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