I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
