a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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Just pee around me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.