So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
third nipple confirmed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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