You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.